Monday, 11 February 2013

Magic Falls Part Seven

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“What…the hell are you talking about?”

“I know it’s a lot to take in.” I say.

She stands up. “You’re making fun. I can’t believe you’re making fun in a conversation like this.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m not, I promise. I know how it sounds, but I’m not.”

Her face creases  with hurt and anger, and she brings a hand to her mouth as she begins to cry. “I’ve tried, Darren. I’ve tried so bloody hard, but – “

“I know you have.” I don’t mean to interrupt her, but I want this conversation to get back on track so we can start to actually deal with this.

“Is it me? Is it something I’ve done? I mean, God, I – I’ve done everything I can to support you.”

I stand up, and move around to her, putting my arms around her. “Nina, I’m not lying. I know how it sounds, but I’m telling the truth.”

She laughs derisively and pushes me back, not letting me hold her. “You’re a time traveller. You’ve come back from the future, so you can…what, exactly?”

“I came back to try to change things.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“Please, sit down for a bit and hear me out.” I say.

She sits, but looks utterly distraught and miserable. I realise that, from her point of view, this looks like I’m trying my best to destroy our relationship.

Why is it that everything I’ve tried to sort out has gone wrong since I came back? It’s like the world is actively resisting any attempts to change, but is doing so by changing everything around me.

It gnaws away at my brain that this is actually plausible.

I sit down next to her, and after a little hesitation, I try to explain.

“Magic is real,” I say to her. “The whole thing with the lottery. The ravens…. It’s all connected, and it’s all real. It’s not  a con and it isn’t a coincidence. It’s all…going to escalate.”

She looks at me, and I see all the anger and all the hurt suddenly vanish and become replaced with concern and fear.

“Oh God, you’ve had a breakdown.”

“I haven’t.”

“We need… we’ll get you help, okay? This is… we’ll find you help. We can go to the hospital now. Right now. We’ll get you help.”

“It’s going to escalate and… I came back for you, okay? I came back for you.” I shouldn’t be telling her this, but I can feel my own panic beginning to rise.

“When I was younger, my Mum had a breakdown. It’s not something I talked about much, and I know I’ve hinted at it, but she did, and…” She is talking quickly now and trying to gasp for breath. “She was okay. In the end. It took time, but she was okay. My Dad, my brother and sister, and me… we did everything we could, and we supported her, and it worked. It worked then, so me and you…. We can make this work.”

“I didn’t know that about your Mum. I’m sorry about that.” I say.

“I know. And I can tell you all about it, but my point was that…” She wipes her eyes. “…we can deal with this.”

“I shouldn’t have told you this. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m glad you did,” she says. “This… at least it’s a start, right? We’re talking about it, and that’s good.”

I reach out to her and this time she lets me hold her, and for a moment I consider lying to her. I consider the idea that I could agree that I’m burnt out and that I’m trying to argue with her, and that yes, we can work on this, and that gives me an out on this, and it gives me space and it gives me a way to deal with this without involving Nina any further. Yet, anyway.

But if I do that, I’m going to keep doing what I’ve been doing since I came back. I’m going to keep doing things wrong. I’m going to keep wanting things to just stay as they are, and I’m going to keep making mistakes.

“Nina, I’m telling the truth. And if you don’t believe me now, you’ll start seeing things that will back me up. You just need to look for them.”

“Oh God,” she says, holding me tightly. “We’ll work on this, I promise.”

“I’ll prove it.” I say, pulling back a little and getting her to look at me. I want her to see my eyes, and know that I’m telling her the truth.

“You can’t prove it, Darren,” she says. “There’s no such thing as… as time travel. It’s insane.”

“Right, okay…” I say. “How’s this? How about I tell you something that that I can’t know, because the first time around, I didn’t know about it, but this time, I know. Because it happened later, but I know about it now.”

“You’re not making any sense,” she says.

“I’ll tell you something that I can’t know yet. And if I’m right, you give me the benefit of the doubt.”

She thinks it over. I can see it going through her mind. She’s humouring me. “Okay.”

Please don’t let this be different this time. Please don’t let this be one of the things that’s changed.

“Okay, you…” I freeze. It isn’t fair of me to do this to her, but I feel that I have to. I have to get her to believe me. “You haven’t told me about this yet.”

She frowns, discomfort spreading across her face, followed immediately by fear. “Oh God.”

“You’re pregnant. You found out two weeks ago. You haven’t told anyone, and you threw the test away.”


“Nina, I’m telling the truth.” I say. “That’s how I know.”

Her eyes are wide as she looks at me. She looks scared. Scared of me.

Without a further word, she stands up and walks out of the room. Leaving me sitting there, totally unsure if I've done this right or completely wrong.

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