Monday 4 March 2013

Magic Falls - Part Ten

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I miss her.

It hurt so much when I lost her. When she died. Coming back was for a number of reasons, but emotionally, it was also a chance to be with her again.

And now I have lost her again.

Nina left me after I told her that I knew she was pregnant. After I told her how I came back. I don’t blame her. I know I sounded insane. I know how frightening I must have sounded, talking about time travel and wars.

She said she will come back, but with every day that has passed, this seems less and less likely a proposition.

I hope that this will protect her, that she won’t take the course of action that leads to her death, but with everything that has happened since I came back, that seems very foolishly hopeful.

I shouldn’t have told her. She wasn’t ready for it. I should have waited. I’d intended to wait, when all this started, but I couldn’t help myself. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

And now I sit here, lonely and miserable. It’s different to the last time. But it still hurts and I am still scared.

I phoned Maria and told her what happened. “Darren, I’m sorry.” She said to me. “Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“She’ll come back. She just needs some time.”

“I’m scared she won’t.”

“She will.”

“I’d expected you to say ‘good riddance’ or something.”

“Don’t be stupid.”


But instead, I had been stupid. I’d lost track of what I was doing, and I was wasting my time.

I have been finding it difficult to do anything. All I want to do is call Nina constantly, but we’d talked about it, and if she was going to come back, she needed time and space. If I can’t give her anything else right now, I can give her that. Although I wasn’t quite sure if it was something that could be gifted as much as taken.

At the moment, we are talking every two days, and I spend the rest of those two days waiting to make that call.

I haven’t been into work for weeks. I’m spending a lot of time surfing the net, reading newspapers and watching the television. I feel like I’m looking for something, but I don’t know what.

Things are so different this time. So different than I’d expected when I came back. I thought I could do more, but I don’t know where to start.

The TV magician, Shane Smith, had complicated things. He’d gone public with his ability, and that means that people are beginning to consider it in a way that they didn’t last time. He was being primarily ignored and mocked, but people online were beginning to talk about it in a slightly different way.

This was moving faster than it should have done. Last time, people didn’t start accepting it until much, much later. But now… that is all up in the air.

Money is beginning to be an issue. I don’t know how to keep on top of everything. Work is going to get in the way of what I have to do, but I can’t keep up with everything without it.

I am exhausted. Constantly. I’m sick of feeling like this. I don’t know what to do.

I am sitting on the sofa, where I’ve barely moved for hours, when the doorbell rings.

Could it be Nina? Why wouldn’t she just let herself in? Maybe she wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that right now, and would rather keep things more formal.

Maybe it was the police. Maybe something had happened. Maybe something had happened to Nina.

“Okay, I’m coming!” I shout, running to the door.

I fumble with the lock for a moment, before turning it and then undoing the chain. All the while, my heart is telling me that it has to be Nina on the other side of the door. It must be.

I open the door.

“Hello, Darren,” Jack says. He’s dishevelled and unshaven. His eyes are tinged red, an evident mixture of exhaustion and stress.

“Jack?” I say. “What’s wrong?”

“I reconsidered what you said,” he says, and brings a hand to his eye, wiping it. “I need your help.”

Part Eleven

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