Magic Falls Part Six

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I walk home from the tube station, anxiety eating away at my gut. I’m not ready for this conversation. I’m not ready to deal with her anger.

I’m not ready to tell the truth.

I think about the first thing she ever said to me.

“You look ridiculous.”

I laughed and gave my friend back his hat. He took it and winked at me.

“Thanks.” I said to her.

“It just doesn’t suit you,” she said.

“Nonsense. I can carry any item of clothing off. I am gorgeous.”

Now she laughed. “Prove it.”

“Point me at the nearest department store. I will try on every item. I will look wonderful.”

She put her chin to her hand and looked at me. I felt completely transfixed by her eyes. Dark, intense and beautiful.

“I was expecting you to ask me to take my clothes off so you could show me how good you look in them.” She said.

“I…” I lost my inward swagger a little bit. “Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I didn’t?”

“I’m deeply insulted.”

“Damn. I should have thought about it.”

“You should.”

“Is it too late now?”

“Yes.”

“Damn.”

“Hi, I’m Nina.”

“I’m Darren.”

“Hi, Darren.”

“Hi, Nina.”

She’d made me work hard to get her, and made me work harder to keep her, but she made it easy as well.  

Made everything in my life easier and better.

I stop outside the front door, hesitating before opening it.

I think about the last thing I heard her say before she died.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I tried, but I just couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.”

I open the door.

She’s sat on the sofa in the living room. Her eyes are red, and she looks like she’s been crying. I hate myself for that.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

I sit next to her, although she avoids eye contact.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

She doesn’t say anything.

“I’ve not been intentionally misleading you. There’s stuff I’m doing that’s difficult to talk about. But I’m working on it. I’m trying to work it all out.”

I stroke her arm, but she pulls it away.

“I’m trying to talk about this,” I say. “Please.”

She digs her fingernails into her hand. I can see that her knuckles are turning white.

“Don’t do that,” I say. “Please, just talk to me.”

She unfolds her hand and wipes her eye. She looks furious with herself for crying.

“What do you want from me?” I ask.

“I want you to stop lying to me!” She snaps at me, turning her head to mine.

“I’m not….I….”

“Are you having an affair?” She asks.

“No!” I’m shocked by the question for a moment, although the way I’ve been acting since the New Year, I can understand it.

“So where were you just now?”

“I…” I contemplate lying. It would make my life easier right now,  but that’s not how we’ve been together. 

“This is going to sound bad. Okay? I know that. I was with Maria.”

“Maria?”

“Yes.”

“Maria?” She asked the first time in disbelief. This time, she asks with anger in her voice.

“I know, but – “

“Bloody Maria? You’re knocking off bloody Maria behind my back? I’d rather you were screwing Jedward! ”

“I’m not doing anything with Maria! I went over there to talk! That was it!” I shout rather than ask.

“So where have you been?” She asks with an edge to her voice.

“I told you, I went to talk to Maria. I thought she might have had something – “

“Your work say you haven’t been there for days. Not just hours. Days.”

“I know. I haven’t been at work.”

“So where have you – “

“I thought Maria had something to do with the lottery thing.”

“I…” she stops, confused. “Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. What?”

“You’re right,” I say. “There’s something going on, and it’s weird, and I’m in the middle of it.”

She frowns, upset, angry and confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You know the thing with the ravens? The numbers from ‘Lost’ turning up in the lottery? It’s all connected.”

She looks scared now as well. “What do you mean ‘it’s connected’? What does this have to do with anything? Why are you – “

“It’s…complicated.” I say.

“Don’t you dare,” she says. “Don’t you dare give me that. You’ve lied to me about where you are, so you don’t get to do that.”

“I know,” I say, anxiously. “I know. I’m not trying to do that. I’m trying to… I’m trying to work out how to say this without it sounding crazy.”

“Okay.” She says.

I take a moment, trying to work out if I can say it.

How the Hell do I say this?

“It’s…I know stuff, okay? I know stuff about what’s going to happen. I’m connected with all of it. So are you. Everyone is, but… we’re specifically connected.”

“You….what do you mean?”

I’ve got to do it. I can’t lie to her. This isn’t what we do. It isn’t who we are. I’ve got to start telling her the truth and hope that it’s the right thing to do.

“At the end of 2013…I got…” Oh God. “I got sent back. A year into the past. To try to change things.”

She looks at me and I wait for her to react.


Part Seven